People who enjoy jokes for adults simply can’t miss this super humorous selection of condom jokes. If you feel bored and you just want to entertain yourself and your friends, just pick up one of the following condom sayings and send them in a private message or SMS. A good laugh and mood are guaranteed. This kind of humor always works and makes people laugh like crazy.
Did you know that if you roll a condom out all the way, the sell by date is printed at the open end!
If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
What do you call a condom with grit in it? An organ grinder.
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: “I should warn you, Ted: I’ve got acute angina.” Ted: “Your breasts aren’t bad either.”
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Whats worse than finding a hole in your condom? Finding a condom in your hole!
Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age? A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Funny Condom Jokes
Are you ready to make your best friend laugh? We have a lot of funny condom jokes which you can’t keep for yourself. This humor is superb and it will boost the mood of all your friends if you decide to share these jokes on social networks. Attention, make sure that kids do not reak these spicy jokes.
Bought as a joke! Priceless to see his face …
A young lad goes into a pharmacist…
boy: I’ve got a busy night planned. 23 condoms please.
pharmacist: 23 condoms? Fuck me….
boy: make that 24 then.
I like to imagine that the female version of this exchange goes:
GIRL: I’d like a pack of ‘The Pill’
CASHIER: Would you like a bag with
GIRL: No thanks, my boyfriend is hot.
His name is tomatoaway, and he
is good at teh sex. Also his
jokes are the best. You know
what, forget the pills, I’m
going to have his babies!
I laughed so hard, I nearly fell off my dinosaur!
/We went into the drugstore to buy condoms and while we’re waiting in line, the Wedding March comes on. We laughed so hard we had to leave.
What do you do with 365 used condoms? Roll them into a tire and call it a good year!
I’ve just bought some of those new Marmite flavored condoms. My girlfriend loves them, but my wife hates them.
Funny Condom Slogans
What can be funnier than good jokes about condoms? Well, the following funny condom slogans are not so intellectual, but sometimes, it is nice just to laugh and say stupid jokes to make your gloomy friend smile.
I need you to adjust my hose bibb.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use condoms. He uses a live rattlesnake.
What’s the best way to avoid getting dog shit on yourself? Use a condom.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie – I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
There’s nothing worse than looking down after sex and seeing that limp, used condom hanging off your penis. Especially when you weren’t wearing one when you began.
The cops must be after you because it’s illegal to look that good.
What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common? They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.
How can you pick out a paranoid woman? She’s the one with a condom on her vibrator.
Safe Sex Slogans
Would you like to promote safe sex among young people? You can spread this important message in a humorous way by posting the following safe sex slogans. This is a good way to educate young people in a form they will enjoy and definitely understand.
“What is my definition of jazz? ‘Safe sex of the highest order.” ― Kurt Vonnegut
“Having sex with a condom is like eating chocolate with the wrap on.” ― Ahmed Mostafa
“Safe sex is an act of self love.” ― Miya Yamanouchi, Embrace Your Sexual Self: A Practical Guide for Women
“It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom.” ― Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” Woman: “Unfertilized.”
While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex any more. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
Q: What do you get with a corduroy condom? A: A groovy kind of love.
What’s the most effective birth control device for men. Their manners.